Who am I?

Updated: Sep 9, 2019

I have lost who I am, and I have began to receive whatever anyone says I am.

I am beautiful, and fearfully and wonderfully made.

When talking with our artists, we get a glimpse of the trials they have gone through, the abandonment, and the strength they found deep within.


Janice's Story

I am strong, so why do I feel so weak?

"What we put into our heads, and what we mediate on, becomes who we are. If we like it or not."


Fun


Being married to my husband was so fun. We were the life of the party. We loved to go out and spend time with our friends. We would have parties at our house all the time. Our place was a regular hangout spot for all of our friends. We became so good at hosting holidays and parties. There was always something going on and everyone was invited. If it looked good, then we did it.



We lived for the parties

But when we were by ourselves, there was nothing. Our lives were all about how we looked to others, how our relationship came cross to them, and when our next party was.


But...


I wanted to hold his hand. I wanted him to be proud to be my husband. I wanted him to love me.


Instead he was embarrassed.


He would tell me, "You're lazy. Why can't you do what you're supposed to do?" Everyday was the same question, "What are you making for dinner? Oh, I hate that." I would be in the middle of cooking, but I asked him what he wanted instead, and he would say, "Just make whatever." I couldn't win. I began to hate cooking for us, he was never happy with anything I did.


False encouragement


Then, when I was upset and felt defeated he would say things like, "Well, at least I think you're pretty." These words wore on me and I began to lose myself more and more. More verbal abuse that was framed as encouragement. I thought on these things over and over. My husband was the only person who would ever think I was pretty, and that I was good enough, but I never was. I began to fall into a depression. I didn't know what I liked, I didn't know how to do what I needed to do, because I was so concerned with making him happy, even though he never was.


Now I know those lies don't have any attachment to me. The words that were spoken over me don't have any power in my life, and I know who I am. I am strong, I am free, I am worth the price Jesus paid, and I am beautiful.


What do you think of when you hear abuse? Most times the first thought is "physical". Verbal abuse is so lasting. Hurtful words take a few seconds to say, but can take a lifetime to heal from. Start the journey. You are not lazy, you are not crazy, you are an amazing princess. Don't accept anything less.

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