I was "Asked" a very thoughtful question.
Are you going to fight for your family?
When talking with our artists, we get a glimpse of the trials they have gone through, the abandonment, and the strength they found deep within.
Am I lazy? Am I doing all I can and need to do for my babies and I?
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"
We were fatherless. We were left and with very little and what felt like no support. We had our friends and family but they all had their families and responsibilities. I really wondered every night how we were going to survive another day. I had two little ones and I knew how to take care of them but, a wave a fear washed over me. How was I going to provide for us?
When we got married, I worked because he was going to school. When we got pregnant I realized I needed something to fall back on and I needed to get it done before I had my baby. I decided becoming a nail tech would be the fastest and I loved art so, why not??
Fast forward three years and things got really sketchy with our little family. I was slapped across the face with the reality of my situation and we no longer had a dad, husband or provider at home. I cried out to the Lord.
"What am I supposed to do?"
Peace covered me, and I understood from the Lord, I can be that Proverbs 31 woman (a wonder woman) but the blessing God had for me in that time of my life was three things. I was to keep the house, make meals for the table and love on my babies as much as I could. It was decided. That is what I was going to do and I was going to do it well. I didn't have any other choice other than trusting what God was telling me. For the next three years I did just that. Everyday I trusted. There were days where I failed and cried and whined, but He was faithful. He provided for us miraculously everyday. We had all the money we needed to buy what we needed. No one sent money to us, no one gifted us money, no one had access to my account, we weren't on government assistance, it was a FLAT OUT miracle.
We were Thriving
We had our routine down. My babies were happy and moving forward. We went on bike rides together and went on so many picnics!! We had our once a month eating at a restaurant date, where we would make as many origami as possible out of our "children's menu." We did school, we built furniture and decorations for our home. We made a garden in our backyard (12ftx6ft area) that was glorious. We had a little paradise with grapes, peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, green beans, strawberries and spaghetti squash. We also had an amazing chicken coup with three chickens (we started out with six and a little too zealous- we found them a new home with new friends).
One day a question came to me from a loving well meaning friend.
"Are you going to fight for your family?"
This really took me back... Wow, was I not fighting for my family? Was I being lazy? Was I missing something?
Then another question came from another well meaning friend...
"Now he's gone, its going to be different, right? Now you have to be the mom, dad, provider, nurturer, caregiver, planner, driver, cooker, builder, fixer, jungle gym (cause my babies like to wrestle), safe place, teacher, snuggler. All those fall on you. Right?
The weight of everything they were saying came down so heavy on me. The lies began to pour in. I can't manage all the things. I am slacking. I can't do more. I'm not a good mom. I am failing my babies. I have to get a night job so I can have my babies at home. When will I sleep? What is the cost of childcare and could I get a job to pay for childcare and our home and everything I need to pay for? The wave was so heavy. I cried out to God again.
"Am I failing?"
Peace again came over me. I believe the Lord told me, you are doing exactly what I told you.
You are keeping the house, you are making food for the table, you are loving your babies as much as possible and you are building and growing life around your home. You are fighting for your family by doing exactly what I told you to. You are not required to be the everything. I am your husband and I am going to provide for you in every situation. I will do my part, remember talk to me and we can keep moving forward. I'm your husband and I am happy to talk through things.
There were many times, and still are to this day, where I forget what He said. But... He really is my provider. He is my provider if I'm married or not. I have to remember: He has it all, He knows all and He is so good. As the years have passed I am at a place where I can work outside the house but, he is still walking me through the balance of drowning under being the everything and going on an adventure with him. He has so many amazing ideas and I can only listen to him (I'm a people pleaser and love to do what people ask/recommend). When I start listening to the concerns of this world through well meaning friends, the spirit of fear tries to grab ahold of me and discourage me from launching forward.
I am not lazy.
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am loving
I am adventurous
I am kind
I am giving
I love my babies
I fight for my family
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
"The joy of the Lord is my strength."
Now I know those lies don't have any attachment to me. The words that were spoken over me don't have any power in my life.
How have you moved forward in your situation? Slow down and enjoy the process.