Why do I keep doing these things?
When talking with our artists, we get a glimpse of the trials they have gone through, the abandonment, and the strength they found deep within.
Guys like me. I'm just a likeable person.
I was hanging out with my girlfriend at a local coffee shop. We were catching up after not seeing each other for over a year.
My friend pulled up and I had been waiting in my car because I arrived early. I hadn't seen her in too long. I just got out of church and was ready for a restful day. I needed to pick up a few groceries but that was it and I was home free to veg on the couch and watch a little netflix.
As we were laughing and I was hearing about all her new things she was experiencing in life and what I had missed. She started talking about a relationship she had. She talked about how she missed this guy she had dated but that she felt crazy for say it because there were so many red flags in this man's life. She talked about all the things she missed but, then how she realized she was justifying all the issues that were big problems and she didn't want to bring them into her life. She then spoke about her different adventures in the dating world and all I could say was, "I haven't dated in over a year."
I hadn't seen her in so long. Had she changed? was she going to judge me? I didn't want to tell her what has really been happening.
She shared so pretty intimate things with me and so I felt the pull to tell her what I had been doing.
It was time
Well... I haven't dated in over a year but I have been with someone...
I said to her in an embarrassed manner, "I don't know how to say this. That guy who rented from me, well... We hooked up and then he moved out. He messaged me a little while ago and asked if we could hook up again."
I felt so embarrassed. I know I'm not supposed to be doing that and I'm just hurting myself but I get lonely and it was nice to have someone around.
I told her, "I told him no but, he showed up at my house. I let him in and he kept asking me. I didn't know what to do. I felt so uncomfortable. Then it hit me, my stomach was in knots and I ran to the bathroom. I threw up and passed out. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew I would have a good reason for him to leave. I came out of the bathroom and told him he needed to leave. He didn't listen and instead was acting very concerned. He asked if he could help me and I said, "no, I just need to be by myself." I then started to stumble when he walked behind me and was trying to hold me up. I thought he was being so kind to help me. He told me, "let me help you into your room." So he helped me into bed. He began to change my clothes because I had throw up on me and I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't want throw up in my bed so I went along with it.
Then he started taking off his clothes and got in the bed. He began to touch me and kiss me. I didn't know what to do. I actually kind of thought I might want this.
As I laughed to my friend a smile didn't cross her face. She said to me, "are you ok? That's not ok."
What was happening??
This was confusing to me cause I don't want to have anything to do with the guy but:
I liked it.
It felt good.
I let him in my house.
My friend said to me,
"But you told him no. Then he came over uninvited. He took advantage of your vulnerable situation. He coaxed you into bed when you weren't thinking correctly. He got in bed with you naked and never listened to a word you said. Then he touched you without asking."
All I could think was, but it felt good even though I didn't want to.
Adrian didn't know she had been raped. She just knew she didn't want to be around this guy, they had had sex before and thought it was a normal thing that happens to people. Adrian is a 1 in 6 women who have been raped in the United States. She is the one who says the typical justifications.
It felt good.
He didn't mean to.
I let him in.
We were friends.
He was taking care of me.
These lies are what hold us back from getting help. You are worth listening to and respecting. If someone can't listen to "no", they are not a good person. Adrina can now reach out to police for help, she can know she is worth more and how she was treated is VERY not ok. Abuse comes in so many forms and its easy for us to justify why bad things happen to us and make them normal. Love people so they know how they are to be treated.